Albertinho

…mostly because he deserved it for being a fucktard to Hollywood/women/humanity, but also because the jokes really wrote themselves. Even freaking Steve-O was getting laughs because Charlie Sheen is too easy a target. In fact, everything about the show was arranged by the producers so that easy jokes could be made with little effort (getting Mike Tyson/William Shatner on the Dais, playing it on the same day as Two and a Half Men’s return, etc.)

Although I laughed, especially at some of the jokes not at Charlie’s expense, you could feel that everyone bar Anthony Jesselnik was doing the bare minimum to get by as comedians (that was another thing genuinely lacking: actual comedians on the Dais. Lisa Lampanelli’s presence was sorely missed). I’m not sure if they were afraid of upstaging Charlie (which, mind you, they all did because he just isn’t funny) or they had legal obligations to not go all out but it’s something that only hits you afterwards.

Noting the ease of the entire procedure, I started to think of my own Charlie Sheen roast jokes, including the following:

• In Ferris Buellers Day Off, Charlie played a drugged-up punk who said random bullshit to anyone who listened. The writer of that movie should be renamed Nostradamus.
• To be honest, if I had a boss who gave the world The Big Bang Theory, I’d call him an asshole too.
• I was told that, due to legal reasons, Two and a Half Men jokes were off-limits. I consider that reasonable; jokes are also off limits to Two and a Half Men’s writing staff.
• Charlie went from being a Movie Star, to a Network TV Star, to an Internet Celebrity, to here on basic cable. He’s got the Benjamin Button of Hollywood careers.
• There were two big 90s celebrity couples: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, and Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen. Both have since split, but I like to think Tom and Charlie keep the rivalry alive with the ongoing battle to see who can be the more batshit insane.
• Charlie and Bruce Willis have more in common than being replaced by Ashton Kutcher. One such similarity is their love of Die Hard. Bruce; the film franchise. Charlie; the life lesson.
• For eight years Charlie was the most watched unfunny man on TV. It was like you couldn’t stop with Platoon: you had to make us all suffer like we were in a decade-long war as well

I could honestly go on all night.